Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Miss Me Much?
Hello All!
Well it's been almost a year now that I quit drinking. Some of you know some of you do not, but I was within one month of death according to my doctor. Quite an eye opening experience to say the least. Eye opening in many ways. Most people considered me a functional alcoholic. I never got nasty, just passive and sleepy for the most part. So I never gave much thought as to how if effected my body.
In the year of recovery I have been lucky enough to be unemployed (not lucky financially but mentally) I got a year off normal daily life to focus on me. Not only to fix the booze issue, but to repair behavior that I didn't like. To decide who I want to be as an adult. What behavior I want people to notice in me and change the behavior I didn't like about myself. This has been a strange and strenuous path, but change always is. The path does not stop once you begin. Well until you die or get word or upcoming death. However if you are working in a direction that is intended to have positive results, death should only become an option when you do something stupid.
So I don't drink anymore. I eat much better and for the first time actually watch what I eat. I will be growing organic foods this summer. I closely watch my nutrition and exercise. My dogs, though important before have now become more than just pets (this might sound silly to many, but when your drunk friends leave you behind and your hairy ones take walks with you each day, you see things different). I note the importance of people in my life more now than ever, and have decided to live by making my feelings and statements clear, as there really isn't much time to waste.
Reading and education have also become more important. If I don't know the correct answer I find out before opening my mouth. If I am told information and find that it is incorrect I send the proper info to the person who gave me the incorrect info. It's not being snooty, it's stopping people from being hurt by mis-truth. My faith has gone through an extreme change. I will only state that people who believe in a greater power should keep that as personal as their bathroom habits. It is not something that should be up for public discussion. Unless you are looking for an argument.
Peace in meditation is a wonderful way to go, and you can keep it private. That's enough on my catching you up on my changes. I look forward to keeping you posted on life and the journey!
I have been using this program called The Ultimate Morning Empowerment. It is like it says an empowerment training course. Unlike self help books, which I didn't need anyway, this worked. In this year of changes I needed to be secure in insecure places, places I had only been to under the influence. Everything was new to me. Interestingly it is not geared for anything other than self Empowerment. Anyway, it worked for me and continues to do so and I thought I would share the info with you.Click here for the info I'm talking about.
Live life to it's fullest, before it's not there to live at all!
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
The Angry Gnome
Today I will be sober for over 40 days, not one relapse, which I am proud of. Also today I will be single for one year with no intimate liaisons to cloud my judgement. I am on a healthy diet, with low sodium and low fat. Also I am getting a good amount of exercise which keeps my energy and spirits lifted most of the time.
This being said can someone please tell me where the Angry Gnome comes from. I wake up with him from time to time, more often these days. He whispers in my ear things like "That was not fair the way your friend treated you", "Why are people repeating themselves, they must think you are stupid or deaf." "When people use the words 'You Know' repeatedly, they are just lying to you." "The boss treats you like a work horse while he sits and watches because he thinks you are too stupid for anything except for poorly paid manual labor." Most days I can kick this little Bugger to the side, but lately he has been very persistent. These are the days I spend alone, or do not answer the phone.
I wonder if the Angry Gnome was always there and I just kept him drunk most of the time, or maybe busy being in love. He never ate right, rarely exercised. Maybe now that I am clear headed so is he. Either way I don't like him. I have always tried to see the positive side of people, and even make excuses for their bad behavior. If the Angry Gnome is right, then the truth won't set us free, it will blind us with fear and uncertainty.
So given that statement, if the Angry Gnome is right I would need to clearly state when situations feel unfair to me at the risk of being called a bitch and in hopes that they can be rectified maturely. What about the past anger though that the little bastard keeps harping on. Certainly we cannot fix the past. He is right that the past never leaves us even when we think it is gone, in one brief moment, unknowingly it again becomes an open wound.
Should I let the little bastard hang out for awhile and see how it goes? Tell off every person who has let me down, lied to me, made empty promises or even worse (which I hate the most) unwanted sexual advances. Or do I continue to live over the rainbow where everyone has my best interest at heart, no one ever speaks behind your back, everyone works as a team for the common interest, where there is loyalty, faith and hope.
Just a Query...
This being said can someone please tell me where the Angry Gnome comes from. I wake up with him from time to time, more often these days. He whispers in my ear things like "That was not fair the way your friend treated you", "Why are people repeating themselves, they must think you are stupid or deaf." "When people use the words 'You Know' repeatedly, they are just lying to you." "The boss treats you like a work horse while he sits and watches because he thinks you are too stupid for anything except for poorly paid manual labor." Most days I can kick this little Bugger to the side, but lately he has been very persistent. These are the days I spend alone, or do not answer the phone.
I wonder if the Angry Gnome was always there and I just kept him drunk most of the time, or maybe busy being in love. He never ate right, rarely exercised. Maybe now that I am clear headed so is he. Either way I don't like him. I have always tried to see the positive side of people, and even make excuses for their bad behavior. If the Angry Gnome is right, then the truth won't set us free, it will blind us with fear and uncertainty.
So given that statement, if the Angry Gnome is right I would need to clearly state when situations feel unfair to me at the risk of being called a bitch and in hopes that they can be rectified maturely. What about the past anger though that the little bastard keeps harping on. Certainly we cannot fix the past. He is right that the past never leaves us even when we think it is gone, in one brief moment, unknowingly it again becomes an open wound.
Should I let the little bastard hang out for awhile and see how it goes? Tell off every person who has let me down, lied to me, made empty promises or even worse (which I hate the most) unwanted sexual advances. Or do I continue to live over the rainbow where everyone has my best interest at heart, no one ever speaks behind your back, everyone works as a team for the common interest, where there is loyalty, faith and hope.
Just a Query...
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